THE CHRONICLES OF TIME I

WHEN TIME NO LONGER MATTERS…

We know most marriages end tragically, unfortunately by choice, but there is a rare kind of relationship that never misses the heart and eyes of many. And hopefully, one day we would discover the secret…

Years back, I used to go to church every Sunday morning, early enough to sit at the spot I traditionally sat since I had joined.

And every Sunday, without a doubt, an elderly couple would come by me and greet us with ancient smiles. They were in their 80’s, their frail forms hobbling towards their seats before sighing in relief.

The old lady would greet us amicably but the old man would come by me, grip my hand in a firm shake and compliment me, “That’s a good jacket you’re wearing today,” or “You’re looking much younger today, son.”

I would smile or sometimes laugh, and I found that it gave him much satisfaction that he had made someone joyful.

But time passes us every day, every moment, and that is what steals all that we have.

It wasn’t long before the old man passed away suddenly, a man whom I had known for so long gone like his last breath. Grief had struck the family all the way down to the grandchildren, sadness crept in with no one to stop its attack.

But the most sorrowful sight that I encountered was the countenance of the old lady’s face who had missed her life partner of so many years. She hardly smiled as she silently mourned daily, and even though she attended church faithfully every Sunday, it was never the same.

I missed the jokes the old man would say, his infectious smile that had caused many to laugh.

It wasn’t long before the grieving widow passed away too, not long after his death, and the church mourned the passing away of someone so inspirational. It was said the speeches at her funeral was so amazing and impactful, that even those who did not know her would have loved to.

I looked over to the empty seats of where they used to sit every Sunday, knowing it wasn’t the only thing that missed them…

The Ultimate Relationship Guide and the Endless Possibilities of Love

In a world that celebrates the idea of love but refuses to embrace it in all its entirety, will we ever have relationships that have longevity? Toxic traits, broken promises, incompatibility, inconsistency, unsavoury surprises, infidelity, unequal yokes and unrequited love. All these are the fears that one may have, yet they are drowned in the surge of emotions that engulfs us when we are attracted to someone. I’ve been on a journey, discovering the very basics concepts of love and relationships, only to find that several more questions are added to the list for every answer I obtain. We all know that love isn’t a feeling; it’s a choice. Yet we speak the terminology of the clueless romantic:

Love is blind.

It was love at first sight. (But I thought love was blind?)

I’m in love

I’ve fallen in love. (Then get up!)

It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. (Really?)

 

All these crazy phrases are but the deceptions of society, twisting the perceptions of individuals who are truly seeking love. I have to admit that I myself am in search of love. I am looking for a godly wife, a chaste woman with whom I will spend the rest of my days chasing after God. However, it’s not that easy. We are told to use biblical methods to find the right partner. Women are told to wait while the men are advised to pursue. But who do you pursue? If there are a hundred godly women on the planet, who would pursue a relationship with? Some may say that you pursue the most attractive, but is that not our own perspective of things? And are we not basing our relationships on looks? What standard of godliness are we judging by? How godly must she be before she is too religious and legalistic? Therefore, we can presume two facts from this scenario:

1. The woman waits and only entertains a man who is pursuing her when she receives confirmation from God.
2. The man finds an attractive woman, brings her before God in prayer and waits for confirmation to pursue.

If such actions are carried out, not only would there be a good relationship with God before the relationship begins, but a good spiritual background for a couple to build their marriage upon. We would also commit to a relationship that would last a long time because God ordained it; marriage is only destined to end by death. Even though this fallen world has good justifications reasons for divorce, I still disagree with such a notion. Divorce wasn’t supposed to exist, and sadly, many prepare for it before they are even married. Others have developed failsafe structures in their lives to safeguard them if a divorce occurs. Abuse and infidelity are some of the largest contributions to divorce but doesn’t it boil down to your choice of partner? And have we heard Gods voice about the One we want to court? Other divorce reasons are like: I don’t love him/her anymore. That doesn’t make sense. Something can only become less interesting because the time spent with it has lessened. When effort isn’t invested in a relationship, it will begin to fade.

 

I’ve come across many people who claim that they knew he/she was the one they were going to marry. This doesn’t make sense to me because they cannot explain how they came to that conclusion. This does leave room for personal preferences and opinion and not divine truth. In a recent online show, I asked a pastor this question since he had married recently. He stated that he didn’t hear a voice from God because his choice was in the biblical description of a godly woman and his preference.

 

“God doesn’t tell us who to marry, or else it wouldn’t be free will. He does, however, guide us to the right partner.

 

God is not limited to telling us who to marry, though. You could have a dream of him/her before the actual encounter. There are many stories of that happening before. That’s my preference of things anyway, more clarity. Confirmation can also be tricked by our own minds because our minds can create them. I know a friend from school who liked a Christian girl he saw every day on a bus. He began praying about it. During a time of prayer, he asked God about her, and his phone began to ring. It was her calling. He took it as a sign of confirmation. Remember, the devil also loves interrupting prayer with distractions. I had countless times when the telephone rang for no reason during prayer time. A week later, I asked my friend how things were with his new girlfriend, and he responded: “She’s not my girlfriend; that girl is crazy!” A good relationship with God is the only way to ascertain a long-lasting relationship. Men need to know two Bible verses before they even look for someone to have a relationship:

1. Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.
2. Proverbs 19:14 Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

With that knowledge, who are we kidding thinking that we could find a wife without Gods plan? Now I’m not saying that there should be no emotions in a relationship, that’s where people seem to think I’m crazy. What I’m saying is that emotions should not lead the relationship. Feelings come and go but love is always here to stay. A relationship should be led by the Spirit of God, and not by our own preconceived ideas that were indoctrinated into our thoughts by Hollywood.

 

Dating VS Courting

Dating has only been around for roughly 350 years when Jean Jacques Rosseau wrote a book called Julie in 1761. The book was about a high-class woman who fell in love with a waiter. At that time, courtship existed. People found partners who matched their status, class or occupation. However, after the release of Julie which was a successful bestseller, people married for feelings. This is the danger of dating and many Christians out there are dating with no idea what they are doing. The difference is very outstanding. Dating is based on feelings, courtship is based on the final destination – marriage. Dating seeks where our feelings may lead us, they follow the emotions and this is why sex before marriage occurs. This is why teen pregnancies happen, we aren’t teaching our children the truth about love. I’ve noticed by observation that pregnancies that happen before marriage mostly places a responsibility on the man to marry the woman, even though it’s a huge disgrace in many cultures. The problem here is that they marry out of duty and not out of love, and eventually divorce occurs later. I’m not saying that your marriage is over if you sinned, I’m saying that you better place Christ in the centre of your relationship because if you sinned by fornication, He wasn’t there in the first place.

Courtship knows the direction, it knows the final destination is marriage. If Christ is in the relationship, it will succeed. I believe that parents should be involved in the relationship, advice should be directed to spiritual elders who give good godly advice. I believe in love the way it used to be back in the day when the man would approach a woman and ask her out, and he would approach her parents for permission to take her out. We don’t have that anymore, men have become wimps. Now we slide into DMs and text, we don’t have the guts to chase marriage, and those who are brave chase one night stands. Now a man will date a woman, and when he thinks she’s the one, he will propose and then finally meet the parents, who disapprove of the man. And that’s how families are torn apart. families lose their daughters to another man, accused of betrayal and intolerance.

 

 

Toxic Relationships

The amount of stories I have heard of is unbelievable. I’ve heard people recall the toxic traits of what guys do to girls and vice versa. We know that people these days aren’t taught how to love or maybe there’s an issue in their past that they never deal with. Whatever it may be, the spread of pain is seeping faster than you think.

 

 

 

Here are some toxic traits you need to know about:

1. Physical abuse
2. Swearing or calling you names
3. Threats or death threats
4. Emotional abuse
5. Financial tightfisted control
6. Social control, keeping you away from friends and family
7. Has a problem with you talking to other individuals of the opposite gender
8. Frequent lies
9. Purposely saying or doing things that hurt you
10. Bringing up the past
11. Blaming you for their crimes and abuse
12. Using your own weakness or confided secrets against you
13. Reputation destruction, spreading bad information about you.
14. Treats you like an enemy and then make themselves be the victim
15. Isolates you, make you burn bridges and break all connections. When this happens, you become totally dependant on them and in time of trouble, you have no one to turn to.
16. Rape
17. Anger tempest over small things
18. Searching your phone but not allowed to search theirs.
19. Forced PDA
20. If you live in constant fear because of your partner, you are being abused. It is time to LEAVE!

We live in a world where being alone is defined as a curse, but it’s not. The only thing worse than ending up alone is getting married and feeling the same way. Not many love deeply, some just want to feel good or feel secure. Others have a void to fill instead of an overflow of love to give. The intentions of relationships and marriage are what makes it or breaks it. The love of many has grown cold, so make sure you fast and pray before you ask her out, make sure you receive confirmation from God before you say yes to him. It is unfortunate that when most marriages fail, so do their faith. I’ve heard many stories of people who turned away from God because their partner cheated on them or divorced them. It is really sad but Christ must be in the relationship and Christ must have said the last word before it first began. I’m an advocate for love, I’m not against it. However, I have done everything to fight against all that goes against it. If you have found love, keep nurturing it, never take it for granted. Keep studying your wife, keep loving her. And wives, submit to your husband and respect him.

If you have not found love, keep searching for it on your knees, never give up on the search. keep believing that there is someone out there who God has designed especially for you. We know for sure that there are more females than men on the planet, we can then assume that every man may be married but not every woman. That’s the sad truth. So chase your purpose and you’d find the right partner. Your purpose comes first before anything else…

So what would be the endless possibilities of love? A man’s life changes so suddenly when he meets the One. His heart changes so do his priorities. He learns things that he never knew before, does things he never thought he’d ever do. His mind bends and warps in the mould of his expectations. Expectations of how he wants his life to be with her. His future is planned already in his blissful thoughts, and even though he never know what tomorrow brings, he looks forward to a time that he hopes to exist one day.  And she? Does not her Prince Charming present himself in the flesh? Does he not come to rescue her to another place? Does not the fairytales of books come to life when two come together in the harmony of romantic love? Oh, the possibilities of love that one could imagine…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex of the Times

You know for a fact that when an article like this is posted, it’s serious business. Sex has been crushed and burnt in the incinerator of modern times. The perversion of this God-given gift is blasphemy in His sight as we tragically twist it into something else. When God originally created sex it was for a divine purpose.

Genesis 9:7 As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.”

However, many other individuals have taken this sacred act and used it for evil.

David had sex because of lust…

2 Samuel 11:2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful,and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.)Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”

Amnon had sex because of lust… (Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree)

2 Samuel 13:10-14 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbedher and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.

Onan had sex because it was his duty…

Genesis 38: 8-10 Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord sight; so the Lord put him to death also. Lot’s daughters wanted to multiply but the way they went about it was sinful incest. Their descendants were eventually wiped out as they became enemies of Israel…

Lot’s daughters had sex to multiply but how they did it was not of God. Their descendants of incest became Israels enemies and were eventually wiped out…

Genesis 19:30-32 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.

Jacob had sex because of the jealousy and competition between his wives, Rachel and Leah…

Genesis 30:1-3 When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?” Then she said, “Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.”

Absalom had sex as a sign of rebellion...

2 Samuel 16:22 So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof, and he slept with his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel.

Judah slept with a prostitute because he was a lonely, bereaved widower…

Genesis 38:15-16 When Judah saw her, he thought she was a prostitute, for she had covered her face. Not realizing that she was his daughter-in-law, he went over to her by the roadside and said, “Come now, let me sleep with you.”

Abraham had sex because of impatience…

Genesis 16:1-4 Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.” Abram agreed to what Sarai said. So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. He slept with Hagar, and she conceived. When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress.

As you can see, nothing much as changed. People have twisted the concept of sex and love to the point that we have involved ourselves with something entirely different. The question is, in the bedroom, are we having sex or are we enjoying the abuse that we have been taught by society?

But what would a single, 25-year-old virgin like me know? Well, let’s look at the statistics from muscleandfitness.com…

76% of millennials lose their virginity by 18,

45% of them lose it between 16 and 18

31% lose their virginity by 15

Why are young people losing their virginity at such an early age? Teenagers have become involved in sexual activity when they should be planning their futures. Instead, it is obstructed by pregnancies and sexual diseases such as herpes and other infirmities. (Herpes can be transmitted via sex or even kissing.)

The reason why teenagers are involved in sexual activity is because they have been taught this through many types of media. Music, movies, books, and influences such friends who have stumbled upon sexual content over the internet. And because they haven’t been taught at a young age what is right, they will easily accept what is wrong and that impairs their minds view of sex. You cannot allow your children to watch and listen to content that promotes masculinity by how many girls a man sleeps with and feminity by how promiscuous she is. Gentlemen’s character is the thing of the past and so is modesty. But that doesn’t mean we can’t raise a generation that holds onto purity.

Sex should be done after marriage, not before. Sex has never been a problem when it was inside of a marriage, only when it is outside of it…

25% of married people have been with only one sexual partner

Sex with many partners has an effect on relationships, whether it was before or during the relationship. Infidelity has only caused pain and it can be struck up from past relationships.

61% of millennials have had a one night stand, (31% had one or two, 16% had three to five one night stands)

God never designed relationships for one night stands. Relationships were made to be forever, a covenant that only death can destroy. One night stands tend to make machines out of us, desiring sex that never satisfies but denies us the intimacy that we truly inwardly crave.

88% of men and women masturbate, (94% of men masturbate, 83% of women masturbate)

Relationships and sex were made for two people of the opposite gender only. Masturbation is a secret thing and that what captivates many individuals. No one judges them and that’s why it feels acceptable. But masturbation is a sinful fantasy in the mind of lust. It can get addictive and cause problems later on when you engage in real relationships.

26% of millennials include pornography in their sexual activity

Pornography is the number one killer of love. It doesn’t teach it, it diminishes it in your psychology. Pornography reduces the brain’s function to fall in love and that what makes you lose interest in real relationships. You start to fantasize and reality is never satisfying. Bringing pornography into a marriage is the most destructive thing you can do because once everything is done, the lust for more isn’t quenched, the search for a new partner will begin. Someone who can provide more lustful and perverted fantasies. Pornography is the practice of rape and human trafficking.

24% have sex with multiple partners

This increases unfaithfulness and spreads STD’s, causing pain wherever you go. HIV is also the number one killer. You may use protection but even a kiss can spread this sexual disease. The soul ties caused by these interactions can cause adverse effects on your spirituality.

36% are inclined to BDSM

BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, submission and masochism. It is a sexual preference for abuse and torture. Individuals are bound with ropes, leashes, chains, handcuffs, collars, and are assaulted during their sexual activity. It could even go to the point where partners are treated like prisoners or dogs, a series of inhumane actions that people think is pleasurable.

Two people have sex because they love each other. But how do you love someone if they are tied to the bed like a human trafficking victim? How do you love them if you are acting as if you are raping them? How do you love them if you are having a scene of abuse and torture? And we have movies and books like 50 Shades of Grey to make all this seem acceptable. People will follow the trends of the media, participating in acts of abuse and selfish lust. How would you find love in a marriage today?

57% have sexted, 49% have sent naked pictures

Ladies, never send a picture of yourself to a guy. Ever! Don’t send bikini pictures or nude images. If a man asks for that, break off the relationship, and block him. Many guys have asked for this picture and then the girl is blackmailed in the relationship otherwise her pictures will be all over the internet. And once a picture hits social media, it could never be taken off. Your reputation will be ruined for life. If your nude picture is over the internet, there will be a lot of gossip about you and you’ll never find a godly guy because they will stay far from you. If a guy asks you for a picture, ask yourself: why he would want it? Is he going to be lusting after your body when you’re not around? What could he be doing with? Such an ungodly and lustful man should not be in a relationship with you.

Sending lustful text messages and dirty-minded texts will only remove the boundaries of your relationship. Very soon, those expressed thoughts and words will become actions…

51.6% was the increase of orders for sex dolls during the lockdown in February and March.

This is one of the scariest things I’ve heard of. I’m surprised there’s no horror movie based on sex dolls. What could we expect? A demon-possessed sex doll killing people? Reading the article in the YOU Magazine The Future Of Sex page 88-91, the article made me sick to the core. There’s a factory in California that manufactures sex dolls using silicon that feels like skin. You can choose what type of sex doll you want and even get one that could talk to you with AI technology. Slowly, but surely, they are practically replacing the human being and changing the reason why we exist. Why are sex dolls wrong? It’s not love, it’s lust. And it’s the same thing as masturbating. Sex dolls will remove the possibility of love, reduce human interaction, and totally destroy intimacy. Humans have no need for machines when it comes to emotions and desire.

So in conclusion, please define sex by what the Creator called it to be. People have twisted it, mixed it with other profanities in the blender of perversion, and still have the audacity to call it the same thing. The Bible has it’s standard and instruction regarding sex, we need to follow that instead of what the media says, instead of what depraved minds are lusting after and instead of what Satan wants to use to destroy God’s creation. If you have sinned sexually in the past, there is still redemption in Christ Jesus who came to set the captives free. He alone can provide a godly partner and a godly relationship but you will have to trust Him and include Him in your marriage…

Singleness

In a world that defines your happiness by a significant other, singleness is often seen as a cursed disease by many. Strange enough, the reality of the world today consists of single people hoping to be married and married people wishing to be single. And if you dare to look beyond the two way glass of illusions, you will find truly happy couples and truly happy single people. When it comes to singleness, some have chosen celibacy for the sake of their purpose and others have embraced singleness temporarily until their purpose aligns them to their future partner. It’s no use finding a life partner only to have found purpose afterwards and it doesn’t harmonize with your spouse. That leads to a miserable and unbearable marriage, filled with arguments derived from consistencies.

One should not rush into marriage or into a relationship, the world out there isn’t a bed of roses. So do your best to avoid the thorns. The tragedy of our era is that people don’t know how to love, they haven’t been taught how to and not many are searching for the syllabus. Love is not easy and many have conformed to an easy form of lust that instills selfishness in the hearts of individuals. This is the reason why abuse is so prominent today, gender violence and femicide is rampant in a culture that doesn’t know how to love. According to statssa.gov.za, 25326 divorces were recorded in South Africa in 2016, 44.4% of those divorces occurred in marriages that didn’t even last 10 years.

Marriage cannot be used as an escape from singleness, if we don’t prepare the foundation of relationships effectively, we might revisit it again with much more pain than we had at first…

It is staggering how many single parents there are in South Africa, 80% of single parents are mothers according to singlemotherguide.com. It is sad that we live in a time where fathers seem to be absent, and children grow up feeling unloved. As much as we may seem to ignore its impact, a child without a father or a mother can grow up with many side effects in their psychology. Rejection is one of the first attacks on a child’s mind and that is only the beginning.

Many relations have unfortunately ended because of abuse and marital unfaithfulness. At the romance period, everything may seem lovey-dovey but once things become clearer in a relationship, individals tend to show who they really are. I have spoken to many women who have been abused and betrayed, resulting in divorce. It breaks my heart how good godly women were dealt with such a dirty card in life but unfortunately that is the world we live in. There are good men out there but there are also the narcissistic kind that controls and manipulates for the sake of sadistic pleasure.

So with all this statistics thrown around, what am I saying? I’m in no way discouraging marriages and relationships, but I am warning people to think clearly before embarking on one. Don’t enter into a relationship without godly guidance and direction. Don’t be quick to rush into someones arms, neither be quick to kiss them. For very soon, souls begin to entangle with each other to the point that the knot is extremely difficult to untie. Weigh the odds, calculate the costs and never involve yourself with someone you don’t want to be with. Sometimes your gut might warn you of red flags, heed the warnings! Don’t be led by your emotions, because even that will change one day.

Singleness is something you don’t want to get back to. Once it is gone, to adjust your life back to it will be extremely difficult and painful. So when you make your transition, make sure that you choose someone who is godly and consistent. Don’t chase after someone who has good looks or knows how to play the game. A player can easily play you and a good looking guy can easily hurt you. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be attractive, but they should have godly substance. You want your marriage to be extravangant, not your wedding…

So think and pray, rationalize and prepare before entering a relationship, and you won’t face the time unnecessary pain. A marriage is about God, not yourself. It’s two godly individuals chasing after God with a common purpose.

The Search For Love

Open the search engine and type it in

Surf through every link

Skim through every textbook

Research every archive

Browse in every library

Open every treasure chest

Inspect every attic

Break beyond the atmosphere

Gaze at every star

Exam the Milky way

Scrutinize every galaxy

The Sun mourns its absence

The moon wails its truancy

Where is love?

 

Dive into the deepest sea

Hunt the darkest jungle

Discover the treacherous caves

Climb the highest mountains

Descend the lowest mountains

Mine the stubborn ground

Until it is successfully found

Pursue every hurricane

Rummage the inside of every volcano

Interrogate every earthquake

Question the tsunami

Investigate every avalanche

Study the drought

Where can love be found?

 

Can such a question be posed at humanity?

Will mankind be able to answer?

Do they keep it locked up in casket?

Or carry it around in a basket?

No one questions its absence?

Has hearts been emptied out?

To create space for selfishness?

It cannot be sold, can it?

If it could, would they ban it?

Did they adopt a replacement?

Or has a clone been made?

Are we happy with the prop?

It’s placed here and there

To make life easy to bear

 

I hope you find true love, I really do.

But first, take in this clue

You must disown you

To make something new